Original Sin
by damnmydooah
Summary: The PTB mess around a little. LL


Original Sin

by Damnmydooah

Disclaimer: We're possessive that way.

Author's Note: This was inspired by the lyrics of Elton John's song _Original Sin_, which are listed below. Yes, I own an Elton John cd. And what's more, I like it. Bite me. I'll bite back. Also, this is meant to be funny. Not exactly parody funny, but funny nonetheless. In fact, I think this is damn funny. And you'd better think it's funny too, because I should be in bed right now. I should also have read the last sixty pages of _Mansfield Park_. So if you do not find this funny, my Lit. teacher will know where to find you.

Author's Note II: Big fat browny points for SilverTree for knowing the title of the song mentioned _and_ not being Australian. Regular browny points for a fan (way to be specific there by the way ;)) for knowing the title. You didn't mention whether or not you're Australian, so if you feel you're also entitled to extra browny points, consider them yours. I should also mention Tina, although I later realized that I say in the story itself that it's about the convicts being shipped to Australia.

Author's Note III: I would very much like to thank "me" for leaving me that amazing review. It just made me go "Wow!" Pretty much because I couldn't believe that anybody would like my stories _that_ much. But this is what I do it for: to make you and myself feel good.

Author's Note IV: The browny points don't actually mean anything. They will not get you brownies. Unless you really want them; send me your post address. But I warn you: I'll have to ship them from Groningen, Holland, and I'm not sure if they'll survive the trip. But it might be a nice experiment.

Thanks again to Kasey, Ivy and Calyn (aka CommaGirl) for spotting those tiny little things that I've become blind to.

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Oh, it's carnival night  
And they're stringing the lights around you  
Hanging paper angels  
Painting little devils on the roof

Oh the furnace wind  
Is a flickering of wings about your face  
In a cloud of incense  
Yes, it smells like Heaven in this place

I can't eat, can't sleep  
Still I hunger for you when you look at me  
That face, those eyes  
All the sinful pleasures deep inside

Tell me how, you know now, the and means of getting in  
Underneath my skin,  
Oh you were always my original sin  
And tell me why, I shudder inside, every time we begin  
This dangerous game  
Oh you were always my original sin

A dream will fly  
The moment that you open up your eyes  
The dream is just a riddle  
Ghost from every corner of your life

Up in the balcony  
All the Romeo's are bleeding for your hand  
Blowing theater kisses  
Reciting lines they don't understand

I can't eat, can't sleep  
Still I hunger for you when you look at me  
That face, those eyes,  
All the sinful pleasures deep inside

Tell me how, you know now, the ways and means of getting in  
Underneath my skin,  
Oh you were always my original sin  
And tell me why, I shudder inside, every time we begin  
This dangerous game  
Oh you were always my original sin

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ORIGINAL SIN  
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This is the story of a man. The story of a man in a small town in Connecticut. A small town in Connecticut which, among other buildings, consisted of a diner. Of which this man was the owner.

His name is Luke Danes. He has a middle name as well, but nobody knows it. Most people guessed it to be William, since that was his father's name. But for all the world it might be Daniel. Who knows.

And this isn't so much the story of Luke Danes and his life, because that would take up volumes. Because, even though Luke has lived in that small town in Connecticut his entire life – its name is Stars Hollow, incidently – he has had quite a lot to deal with in the forty-odd years that he's been in existence.

This is, rather, a short tale of something that happened one night to Luke William/Daniel/Whatever Danes.

Or, if you look at it from another angle, something that happened to Lorelai Victoria (we know this to be her middle name for sure) Gilmore. But that's not the angle we're looking at it from. Deal with it.

Back to Luke.

As we said before, Luke had lived in Stars Hollow all his life. He was born there, he buried his parents there, and we're all pretty sure he's going to die there.

The story starts with Luke leaning on the counter of the diner of which he was the owner, staring out the window. We see the diner is empty, because we have super peripheral vision. And we're omniscient.

We're cool that way.

Right. Luke.

Leaning on the counter he was.

Staring out the window.

At what, you ask?

At whatever there was to stare at outside that window. Which happened to be the preparations of another Godforsaken festival. Luke called it this, not us. We like the festivals, really.

So Luke was staring out the window at the preparation, mentally ranting about the uselessness of the festival, no doubt blaming global warming on exactly the activities that were going on outside.

He could be quite the grump. He was known for it, actually. It's a wonder no kid ever scrawled the word "grumpy" on the window, above where it said "Luke's Diner".

Luke would quite happily have mentally and grumpily ranted on, were it not for the fact that Lorelai Gilmore chose that exact moment to enter his field of vision.

Actually, we chose her to do that at that precise moment. But nobody knew that at the time.

We're sneaky that way.

Anyway, Luke's – rather prettily – blue eyes saw Lorelai. Now, you must know that Lorelai had a rather peculiar power. She could render Luke completely thoughtless. So when Luke saw her, his mental rant came to an abrupt halt. In fact, he was halfway through thinking the word "oilspill", but it ended up "oilsp-".

Which, by the by, is quite a funny sound to hear articulated. Seriously, try it sometimes. Big laughs, I tell you. Big laughs.

Oilsp.

Hee.

Lorelai, gleefully partaking in the preparations of the festivities, was completely unaware of how much her power affected Luke at that particular moment. She was quite busy trying to direct Dean how to string up the many tiny lights in the trees surrounding the town square. Dean was the appointed string-up-hanger, because he was by far the tallest resident in Stars Hollow.

We say "was" because old age made him shrink. Babette can almost look him in the eye now. But that's a completely different story, and we do not wish to go off into a tangent.

It's time consuming. And even though we have eternity, we're sure you do not.

We're considerate that way.

So Lorelai was yelling directions to Dean, who took directions very well. He had this dog-like quality, complete with the hair in his eyes. And Luke, completely thoughtless, was nearly drooling. Not because he desired Lorelai so much (which he did), but because he was thoughtless. It makes you drool.

It's not a pretty sight.

When Dean was done performing his near-canine task, Lorelai yelled to Kirk to plug in the lights. This was a rather precarious affair since Kirk really could not be trusted to do anything right, but he was the only person who was willing to perform the task. But, wonder above wonder, nothing disastrous happened. Kirk merely gave Lorelai a thumbs-up and plugged in the lights. Which abruptly lit up. This was particularly miraculous, since stringy lights are notorious for being even more unreliable than Kirk. It says so in the dictionary.

**stringy light** /'strıηi laıt/ _noun_ Usually a large electrical string with lights on it. More unreliable than Kirk Gleason, resident of Stars Hollow, Conn.

Seriously.

So the lights were plugged in without any trouble, and Luke was saved from having to spend half the night wiping the counter clean of his own drool.

Because the lights cast a wonderful glow on Lorelai's face, and Luke was immediately shaken from his thoughtlessness by the image of, well, the lights casting a wonderful glow on Lorelai's face. Seeing her, standing in the wonderful glow of the lights (Sorry. We're repetitive this way.), Luke was immediately thinking how beautiful she was, with...

You catch our drift, right? No? The glow, people, the glow! On her face! Wonderful!

Get it? Good.

And seeing Lorelai be beautiful at that particular moment, made Luke think of all the other moments she was beautiful. We will not list all these moments, because they would take up more volumes than Luke's life would.

And at that moment, we found Luke to be guilty of the original sin.

Lust.

Although we have to be honest and say that love for Lorelai was foremost on his mind at that particular moment, but we're unfair that way.

So anyway, Luke Danes was guilty of lust. We think Lorelai's low-cut top was one of the culprits. And the lights of course. And maybe we could get away with blaming Kirk as well. He did, after all, plug in the offensive lights. Although we're pretty sure he had nothing to do with Lorelai's choice of clothing.

We like messing with Kirk. We're mean that way.

To recap: Luke was leaning on the counter of the diner he owned, looking at Lorelai bathed in the glow of the pretty lights in the town square, and was lusting after her.

The lusting was comprised of this:

After considering how beautiful Lorelai looked in the light of those lights, he considered how she would look bathed in the glow of his pitiful bedside lamp, riding him like there was now tomorrow.

Yes, we're talking of sex. We're dirty-minded like that.

Hey, it makes the world go round. Literally. The motions of people having sex all over the world (and there are about 3,6 billion people having sex every five minutes) actually has a magnetic effect on the earth's center, making it go spinning crazily with all the energy built up.

Sun, schmun, we always say.

So Luke was lusting after Lorelai. Normally, he would be cast into Hell for that, with no chance of defending himself. And quite immediately, too.

But, the combination of his prettily blue eyes and the fact that he was hung like a horse made us think twice about this decision. We decided to meddle. We're, uh, meddle-some that way.

Unfortunately, we didn't quite know how to meddle in such a way that the situation would play out the way we liked it to. We toyed with the idea of making Lorelai feel suddenly incredibly horny, but there was the risk that she would decide to jump Dean or Kirk. Or, shudder, Taylor.

The safest decision was to endow her with a sudden urge for coffee. This, we were sure, would send her straight to Luke's. But would it lead her to his bed?

Finally, we reached a compromise. We decided to give her the sudden urge for coffee. But we decided to add a little extra. We decided, rather cunningly, that the very first sip of coffee would make Lorelai exremely horny.

We're decisive that way.

And, already being in the diner, Lorelai's horniness would drive her straight into Luke's arms, his bed and his lap.

Thus we proceeded. With one flick of a finger (omnipotence rules), Lorelai spun around in the direction of the diner, licking her lips. Ignoring Dean's calls of how to get out of the tree now that Taylor had pilfered the ladder in order to climb on top of the gazebo to indulge in some of his more megalomaniacal tendencies, she moved in a zombie-like state to the diner.

We need to work on our aesthetics a bit.

Luke, noticing Lorelai's approach, sprang to life (the rest of his body anyway) and turned around to reach for the coffee pot with one hand, the other engaged in grabbing her favourite mug from beneath the counter. He has very long arms.

The coffee poured and set on the counter, Luke tried to act as nonchalantly as possible. Which, as always, comprised of him picking up his rag and starting to wipe down the counter. This method had long since ceased to convince everybody of his being nonchalant, but Lorelai was too busy re-enacting _Dawn of the Dead_ to notice. Opening the door of the diner and silently chanting, "Coffee, coffee, coffee," in a rather dull tone, she proceeded to move to the counter and sat down on the stool which was in the most direct line to the mug of coffee.

With scarcely a "Hi, Luke," or "Thanks for the coffee, Luke," she picked up the mug, inhaling its aroma and moaning loudly, at which Luke indulged in more of the original sinning, imagining Lorelai underneath him, writhing with pleasure and moaning his name loudly and passionately as he pounded into her.

He really was playing a dangerous game, sinning so profoundly.

But we decided to forgive him. We're indulgent that way.

So we focused on Lorelai taking that first sip, leaning forward eagerly to get a better look at the goings-on in that tiny diner in that small town in Connecticut, much like an avid fan of a television show who senses that his two favourite characters are about to do something that will make the ratings drop faster than you can say, "Oilsp."

Hee. Oilsp.

And boy, did Loreali take that first sip. After the inhaling and the moaning, she slowly lifted the mug and took a big gulp. What happened next surprised even us. Dropping the mug, she threw her head back and let out a guttural groan. Getting off the stool, she approached Luke and told him in no uncertain terms to immediately fuck her until she couldn't see straight.

We knew we were omnipotent, but we didn't know we could do _everything_.

We're unschooled in the classical languages that way.

Luke, not quite knowing whether he should feel elated or sexually harassed, took a couple of seconds to decide what to do. Which pretty much consisted of opening and closing his mouth and inwardly cursing the decision to wear tight jeans that morning.

But, pretty soon and with a little help from us, he replied to Lorelai's request in the most eloquent way he knew to be within the limits of his vocabulary:

"'Kay."

So he took her hand and led her upstairs and made one ophthalmologist a very rich man.

The rest is history.

But that's different tale. Maybe we'll tell you some time. But for now, good morning, good evening and good night.

END

A/N: Review to tell me I'm funny. Oh, and "oilsp" actually takes quite the time to say. But it does sound funny.


End file.
